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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28959504">I've got a real big heart that I'm willing to hide</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykedelica/pseuds/dykedelica'>dykedelica</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Druck | SKAM (Germany)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Communication Failure, F/F, Kieu My is bad with feelings, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, god they love each other so much, soft</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:47:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,405</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28959504</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykedelica/pseuds/dykedelica</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But no matter how hard Kieu My tried those ugly thoughts would swirl in her head like a whirlpool and if Kieu My focused on those thoughts for too long they’ll sweep her in and toss her around, leaving her battered with a bruised ego and incredibly insecure. It would be at this point that she’d ignore Fatou, her texts and her attempts to communicate because this isn’t how Kieu My wants Fatou to see her, upset and weak.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fatou Jallow/Kieu My Vu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>72</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I've got a real big heart that I'm willing to hide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi everyone!</p>
<p>THEY ARE GIRLFRIENDS!!!!</p>
<p>I'm quite nervous about what they've got in store for us though</p>
<p>if you have any prompts you want me to write send them to me on tumblr (@dykedelica)</p>
<p>Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was new, it was all so new and it made Kieu My nervous, so very nervous. Rationally she knew that Fatou really liked her but in some twisted part of Kieu My’s brain she obsessively thought about Fatou leaving her for someone better, someone who knew how to be with women, someone who knew what they were doing but it’s a thought that seems to diminish whenever Fatou even smiled at her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t help to see how close Fatou was with her friends, how tight she would hug them or thread their fingers together for comfort and this delusional jealousy would make Kieu My roll her eyes at herself. She understands it comes from not having many close female friendships and how she is being quite hypocritical because if anyone who didn’t know them looked at her and Zoe’s friendship Kieu My was sure they’d assume they were girlfriends. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But no matter how hard Kieu My tried those ugly thoughts would swirl in her head like a whirlpool and if Kieu My focused on those thoughts for too long they’ll sweep her in and toss her around, leaving her battered with a bruised ego and incredibly insecure. It would be at this point that she’d ignore Fatou, her texts and her attempts to communicate because this isn’t how Kieu My wants Fatou to see her, upset and weak. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that you can talk to me about anything right? Like absolutely anything” Fatou had said one day while the two lay on Kieu My’s bed wrapped in a big blanket and curled in each other’s arms. Kieu My’s fingers still from rubbing circles into her girlfriend’s shoulder, she had hummed and nods her head after a moment of stillness, the thoughts she wanted to share on the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them back down and not daring to speak instead kisses the top of her girlfriends head and curls into her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>---</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I fucking hate this,” Kieu My had groaned one day after watching Fatou pull Nora into her lap at school, her jealousy peaking despite the fact Fatou had caught her eye from across the courtyard and blew her a kiss which left Kieu My all bubbly and giggling like a fangirl who just got winked at by her idol. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe you should just talk to her about it? That's what I would do anyway,” Zoe says absentmindedly, distracted by her phone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I can’t,” Kieu My says matter-of-factly shaking her head and turning her back to her girlfriends and looking at Zoe opposite her and raising her eyebrows when Zoe looks up from her phone to look at her and gives her an incredulous look. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And why is that?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I don’t want to be that girlfriend?” Kieu My answers quietly and rolls her eyes when Zoe furrows her eyebrows and nods her head for Kieu My to elaborate. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ya know, the crazy girlfriend who is uber controlling and whose jealousy gets in the way of everything and makes her so insecure that she pushes her girlfriend away and just is the reason the relationship fails. I don’t want to be that person and I don’t want Fatou to think I don’t trust her because I do, I do,” Kieu My rants and when she finally stops she takes a deep breath in and looks at Zoe pointedly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure got a lot of fucked up thoughts in there don’t you?” Zoe asks sarcastically and gently taps a finger to the middle of Kieu My’s forehead who scrunches up her nose. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You have no idea,” she sighs and groans as she puts her head in her hands. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I think it’s perfectly normal to be jealous but I think it becomes problematic when its the only emotional that consumes you but you’re not being controlling, Nora is currently cuddling up to your girlfriend and it’s not like you’re going up to them and forcing Fatou away from her friends because it makes you angry right? How does your jealousy make you feel?” Zoe asks and Kieu My thinks for a moment and lifts her head to look at Zoe. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Insecure mostly, it doesn’t make me angry at her, it makes me angry at me because how could I feel this way about her? Because I trust her so much but feeling this jealousy makes me feel like a hypocrite and like subconsciously maybe I don’t trust her as much as I promised her,” Kieu My says, her eyes watering and feeling how much admitting all this hurts. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Babe?” Fatou questions from behind from her and both Kieu My and Zoe jump not had heard her approach. Kieu My blinks her eyes and wills the tears to disappear in the 5 seconds it takes her to turn around and look at her girlfriend. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kieu My smiles at Fatou as she turns around and makes a mental note to let Fatou know how cute she looks today in her braids. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can we talk?” Fatou asks and Kieu My instantly picks up how nervous Fatou seems, wringing her hands and shifting her eyes between Kieu My who is now packing up her stuff into her bag and Zoe who is smiling at her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Kieu My finished putting her stuff into her bag and stands, holding out her hand for Fatou to take but drops it back by her side when Fatou shakes her head and tucks her hand into her pocket. They are silent as they walk back into the school and into the first empty and unlocked classroom they see. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They both throw themselves in seats next to each other and Kieu My is vibrating out of her skin and she clears throat but doesn’t look over at Fatou when she gets out of her seat to pace in front of Kieu My. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you cheating on me? Fatou spits out after a few laps of the front of the classroom and Kieu My almost chokes on her spit. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh my god no, babe what?” Kieu My asks incredulously, “I would never, where is this coming from?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know! You’ve just been so distant lately and my brain has just jumped to all the extreme reasons that you aren’t around like maybe don’t like me anymore or you’re cheating on me or I’ve done something to piss you off or - oof,” Fatou’s ranting is cut off by Kieu My standing up and slamming their lips together. Fatou fists Kieu My’s shirt and tilts her head so she can deepen the kiss, after a while, they pull away and rest their foreheads together trying to regain their breath. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I would never cheat on you because….” Kieu My trails off slowly, “because I love you so much.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Fatou says and reconnects their lips and they both smile into the kiss. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay, but what was going on though?” Fatou says a while later after they had moved away from the middle of the classroom, Fatou is sitting on one of the tables and Kieu My is standing between her legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s going to sound so fucking stupid but I was jealous and my stupid fucking brain convinced me that you would leave me for someone more experienced and I just got so insecure that I guess I was just kinda pushing you away,” Kieu My says shyly and hides her face by smushing her face into the top of Fatou’s head. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Baby, I would never. I love you and only you okay? I just wished you’d talk to me about it,” Fatou says and peppers kisses along Kieu My’s jawline. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I just didn’t want to be that controlling girlfriend,” Kieu My says and leans against Fatou and enjoys the feeling of Fatou’s lips along her neck and the side of her face. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You could never,” Fatou says and pulls herself away from Kieu My’s face and Kieu My whines in protest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you no matter what and I know you love me so I know you’d never do anything to hurt me like trying to control me okay?” Fatou asks and Kieu My nods her head and smashing their lip together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Scratch that, you’re gonna hurt me by knocking my teeth out if you keep doing that,” Fatou laughs after they detangle their lips and rubs her top lip. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Dummy,” Kieu My says and they smile at each other. </span>
</p>
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